Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
