sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
