Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
