Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
