I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All the doctor said was why
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
