True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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