i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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