Nicole vs. Life
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
