Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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