drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
