I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Randomize