Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
bring money and cleavage
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
