i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
