in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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