Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
