For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
