My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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