just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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