Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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