Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
