I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize