Do you still have your period?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
