That's intense
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
