So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
