I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
one two three fourrrrnication!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
