My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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