New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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