guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
