The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
