I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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