it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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