I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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