I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
