is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
