wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
