ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
