Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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