i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
