Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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