if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
