You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
