Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
