how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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