you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I could fuck to npr.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
