Umm I'm too high to move.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
