woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
