no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
