She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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