We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
