cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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