I wanna bring you to show and tell
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
