I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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