i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
