alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
