How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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