Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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