Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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