he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
