matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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