"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
