Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just pee around me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
