All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
