I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you would pick up someone in the library
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
