That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
