At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
